Yes that's it..... :)

i knew there were million words to be said..

more than a million emotions to be conveyed..

i knew every silent stop spoke in volumes...

but did u know 

i heard  all those unsaid words..

i saw all those unexpressed emotions...

i patiently heard silence talking to me...

why is it..............

"why is it i cant keep  promises?"

i was clueless when u asked me....

i don't know.. i don't do it on purpose

all i know is all those promises made...

were meant to be kept..

might be i got busy..

counting all those broken unfulfilled promises 

Or

might be i got busy...

searching what promises actually meant...

"why is it i am so rude?"

let me tell u i don't intend to be so...

i know it does hurt u...

all i know is the tears that i hold back

comes out in the form of harsh words...

might be its a way by which...

i try to stand unbroken in front of you

Or 

might be that's how..

i try and fool my own self

"why am i so disturbed , so unstable?"

i wished i could stay as stable 

unshaken like a mountain...

but aren't the mountains moving to unknown 

heights every second inch by inch..?

might be i have never known 

what stability means

Or

might be every stable pole i leaned on

fell off compelling me to go in search for more.....

Last Breath

Trying hard to free myself from the hands that's trying to suffocate me
I realize all i have is myself
All who would listen to me is myself .
All i would say would stay back in this room
I can feel my struggle to take in the breath
I can feel the force that's not letting me breath
I realize before i try to run out the room ends..
Its even more smaller than a mustard seed..
In this small space all i can sense is the small space
Between my consciousness and unconsciousness
And that small space i know is all mine which
Fails to exist even for a fraction of a second
Everything else is just not me , just not mine...
I still wish i could take a proper deep breath
Without this struggle , without the heaviness of
Those hands trying to suffocate me
I still wished i could go back to that fraction of
A second that was all mine ........

Who am i ?

Who am i ?
Am i your friend ?
No that i wont be you never call a friend to sleep with you...
Am i your love ?
No i am not even your love you never make love with your love without love...
Am i your wife ?
No i know i am not because i heard her ignorant caring voice asking you to "take care"...
Am i your daughter ?
No i don't think i am no one ever kisses ones daughter so deeply and passionately onto her lips.....
As you always said you admired me as a goddess..
As a goddess would always remain silent...
No i know i am not a goddess either if i would have been you would have atleast bowed down and respected me once....
Who am i? Tell me.. Who am i?

_________________________________

I want to shout , i want to cry aloud , i want to hug u and never leave u
I want to tell you please take me away with you
Or i fear i might no more be there...
Didn't you see me entering into your eyes and trying to find a space
So that i could stay in there forever , so that i could be seen by none other...
Didn't you hear my breath screaming trying hard to reach your ears...
Requesting " Let me come with you"..
Didn't you feel my hands trying hard to grip you,
Urging you to stop and look back...
Didn't you see tears rolling down my smile..
Expecting you to wait for a moment and ask me to come with you....
I want to shout , i want to cry aloud , i want to hug u and never leave u
I want to tell you please take me away with you
Or i fear i might no more be there...

I walked not alone.....

I walked not alone but ...
i Knew you were there somewhere...
Hidden .. enjoying me and my madness...
I knew you would smile silently...
Standing there willing to come and hold my hands and walk....
I walked not alone but....
I knew you would come when i got stuck at the crossroads...
Confident ... willing to guide me...
I knew you would pull me and walk along....
The confused streets despite of my unwillingness to open my eyes...
I walked not alone but....
Blissed with your presence.. I opend my eyes looked around....
The warmth of you breath has still not disappeared but...
You werent there anywhere....
I walked not alone but.....
Walked with your hidden smile in me
walked with the confidence of your words....
Little did i know few journeys are short lived....
I walked not alone but........

Its better to be quite.......

Its better to be quite , that's what I always did,
When you asked me if i like you ,,i thought ,
Its better to be quite as i always did..
When i saw them pulling my soul out of me,,,
Its better to be quite i said to myself...
when i saw my house collapsing and i needed a pillar to lean..
Its better to be quite and stand alone i decided...
When thousands of words came out as tears.. I felt
Its better to be quite and sleep over it...
When i silently heard all the lies said to me.. I realized
Its better to be quite and smile as a child...
When all relations, all belongings, every word and every color seemed
As fake as an illusion...i decided...
Its better to be quite and disappear into ashes with the furious breeze...



--

................................

I remember
I remember how i hugged you and slept on a chilling cold winter morning
the only thing i could hear was your breath and your heart beat and
a train passing by from a far of distance seemed to break the ice of this silent chilling winter morning....
I remember how we friends walked on an highway on a summer afternoon
it was our laughter and giggles that filled my world and
a train passing by from a far of distance seemed to break the silence of this pleasant summer afternoon....
I remember how me, mom and dad sat together clueless on a rainy evening
it was their sighs , the water dripping outside the window that interrupted my thoughts and
a train passing by from a far of distance seemed to break the not so pleasant silence of the rainy evening
I remember the crowded railway station on a cool cloudy summer evening
many smiling faces, many clueless faces, many silent faces
It was few waving hands that made me realize that the train was moving ....and
all i could hear was your breath and your heart beat,
my friends laughter and giggles, silent sighs of my parents and the water dripping outside the window..............