And I see gooseberries....

  

It had to be Autumn I guess 

When we shifted to this house

I climbed on my windowsill

And hung a fluorescent green wind chime,

My friend in school gifted it to me on my 13th birthday 

I had kept it locked safe inside a shelf in my cupboard

And I found it today when I unlocked the shelf and 

Found a hundred memories waiting to spill out.

While climbing down back from the sill 

I noticed this naked tree opposite to my window

We both stared at each other for a while 

Willing to get introduced to each other 

Till a ring from my mobile phone

Pulled me back to my room to common man's world

After weeks one day I sit in my room 

Staring out at the dark 

Introspecting why is that this wind chime of mine

Never makes a sound??

It's always silent

I noticed someone out there waving to me

I saw this tree flirting with the summer breeze 

But still the breeze chose not to flirt with 

My wind chime and me

The call got disconnected, 

The sky seemed red, vibrant,

I guess so did my eyes and

So did this tree that chose to be silent today 

It seemed to be observing me 

It was patient to listen to me 

Today I stood near the window for hours

Even the slightest breeze didn't interrupt us

As night fell bloomed with stars 

I chose to go back and sleep

Months later one afternoon 

Standing in front of the mirror

I was busy praising my beauty

Humming a song slightly moving my hands 

I hopped merrily in my room 

Accidentally I hit my hand on my wind chime.

My humming faded and the enchanting 

Sound of the wind chime echoed in my room 

My wind chime, for the first time broke its silence

Also I noticed this tree dancing with pride 

Standing tall, elegant filled with fruits as

A young girl who just burst into her puberty

Days later I was struggling to take afternoon nap

My neighbors kids were howling, giggling and chatting 

Frustrated I got up, went up to my window

One small kid aged four stood in front of me

His small-cupped palms couldn't hold on the fruits he had stolen 

Stolen from that tree opposite to my window

Our association had grown so strong I guess

That this tree wished to offer me its fruits

" Gooseberry’s, dont you want to taste them??" asked

the innocent mischievous kid.

I accepted it, had it

I saw the tree noticing my funny expressions 

Every time I took a bite of it.

Penniless, after days I stood at my window, 

Early in the morning, before the sun burst out on me 

The tree opposite to me stood strong and silent, empty 

With no fruits and few broken branches

My wind chime too seemed to have dropped one of its strings

We stood patiently and breathed.

Momentary morning breeze joined us too.

That four-year-old kid on his way to school, 

Smiled to me and wished me morning 

Stood there and looked at the tree.

"Look at that", he screamed out of joy

"My dad was true a new leaf is sprouting, soon 

It would be filled with many new leaves"

The tree smiled at me

The boy assured me 

" We shall eat more gooseberries this year,

See I am growing big ,

I'll get you even more gooseberries."

With a spark in his eyes, merrily he left 

With conviction I got up to receive,

To receive everything new, vibrant and 

Plentiful.... 

Silence Speaks

I switched off the music 

Closed the windows 

I even switched off that old fan which 

Had been struggling to come to a stop from ages

I wanted silence 

Though I Could hear the chirping of sparrows, 

An annoying kid howling from my neighbor’s house,

A faint screech from a drilling machine and 

Dhuhr(Mid Day prayer call) from a nearby mosque

I chose to write in silence today

As I believe that in silence lays the secret of ages

Have you ever tried to listen to those silent stops between your breaths?

The silences between every footstep u keep.

A silence that engulfs you between every droplet of rain that falls on you?

The silence between the tears that roll down your eyes??

I chose to write in silence because 

I love this silence between the strokes my pen takes to write a new word

I love to listen to that silence between the words u say 

I love to feel it between your laughter 

I love to feel it in your smiles

You know why I chose to write in silence 

Because that’s where I found you 

That’s where I found myself 

That’s where I would always be waiting

Its only there I live, I breathe and i would wish to perish

See, listen carefully, didn't you once ask me which 

Is that place on earth I love the most???

I say it now, this moment; you know it's right there 

In that mystic silence 

In that divine place

It’s in that silent spot

Between those musical notes you play.....

I see ME

And I thought that was all it was about

I thought that was the end

So I, at that very instant closed my eyes

I didn’t want to see where my feet led me next to

I was all ready to fall down deep,

Deep into the darkest corners

From where I wouldn’t want to see myself

Or neither wished anyone ever found me out.

But the very instance I took the next step

There was this mystic silence that enveloped me,

I could feel for the first time a hand held me,

It held me tight,

I wanted to see who it was

I wanted to ask who it was

I wanted to hear who it was

I didn’t, I didn’t utter a word,

Was too scared to believe

That all I felt then was true,

This silence

Which I always yearned for was

Here and I was a part of it

I still didn’t open my eyes

I still didn’t muster the courage

To ask who it was

I still didn’t believe that I was not alone

There are instances when life harms you in

A way from where you never wish to come back

But here there was someone holding me

Taking me to a safer place,

Warmth of tears rolling down my eyes

Asked me to see what I had here ,

Asked me to believe what I felt ,

Asked me to forgive myself

And finally asked me to

Believe...

As caught up in heavy rains

I struggle to open my eyes,

I see where I am , I forgive myself ,

I believe what I see and now

I see you …

Yes i know.....

And so when I got this box of crayons and toffees
Wrapped in vibrant colors, when I was 7
I knew no bound to my happiness 
I giggled, laughed, hopped around like a joker
I thought love was all about toffees and colors..
 
And then I grew up now I was 11
All I did was listen to music for hours and hours
And wait for that one glance from this
Cute guy who studied in the class next to mine
I supposed he had the best smile in this world
So I thought love was all about
Music and that one glance of him..
 
Flipping through the pages, my friend was busy
Completing her notes and I was busy giving final touches
To the letter I was writing with smiley’s and glitters
The first ever love letter I wrote,
No I mean it was not by me for someone but
For a friend of mine, we were 14 now
I thought love was this pretty letter with
Smileys and glitters and few poetic phrases
 
I got startled the moment mom called for me
I was busy talking to him over phone
Struggling as to no word escapes my room
At 19 I was proud that I too had someone to love
Someone to ask if I am fine, if I have had my food, if I was back home
Someone to hold my hand, someone to make promises
Love then for me was talking to him
For hours and hours, and trying to hide it from mom
 
I realized this word insecurity had started intruding my space
I knew he was close to me I could feel his warmth
I could hear his true words and why he wanted to leave but
I could also see his eyes lying and still I sat there trying to believe that
I might have been wrong,
On my 22^rd Birthday I knew I was empty within, I was lost
I wondered if love was about feeling this warmth and still being miles apart
Was it about being scared of never seeing the one you loved??
 
Then it so happened that I sort of detested love
I believed there is nothing as love
It’s all illusion, it’s all in poetries
At 24 I sort of became rebellious
I was million times sure I would never love
I don’t need a Partner I am too enough for myself
I understood life has many prettier things than love..
 
 Today at this moment
After completing 25years and 9 months and 13 days of my life
I suddenly realized
Love was not about toffees and colors neither was it about
Music or that one glance or about those smiley’s and glitters
And those incessant phone calls or getting insecure
Love is a beautiful feeling full of energy,
Full of creativity, filled with bliss and confidence
Love is that makes you humble and calm
And a confession I would like to make..
I always wished to be love but never knew the strength of loving someone 
Deeply, unconditionally, without fear and
Without letting that person know that I love
 So I decide finally
To love ..
And now I know love
Yes, I am in “love” ….

I knew them all....

All i did was feed him a biscuit 

and this frail dog visited me every day wagging his tail 

he came every evening and sat by my window 

as though it was some important ritual

he waits patiently till the moment i notice him and wave at him 

at times when i am happy he tries showing some of his tricks 

and when i am sad he sits silently and doesn't leave for hours 

i guess this is why he is called man's best friend 

all he does is give his love , his presence , his compassion 

compelling me to give all of it back to him

All she did was sleep and sleep for hours 

and then wake up and walk around with all its pride

this hefty cat at my friends place 

made me realize all she ever wished was 

to be her own self and gain all attention 

I don't know what she gave others but she did 

teach a lot to me and did give a great deal 

of company and happiness to my friend 

Every time i get up in the night and 

look at them all i see is them 

constantly running around and whispering something 

to each other these two Gold fishes 

in my fish pot look at me in sarcasm 

they feel comfortable communicating with my fingers than 

a whole me but they do find sometime to look at me 

The others who are usually busy partying at night 

are the cockroaches who run around to find a place 

to hide the moment I switch on the light 

one or two even dare to play the acting game with me 

they pretend to be dead but the moment i try approaching them 

they mock at me and run around as mad kids 

and some hide in corners and eye on me as

the neighborhood housewives..

Now there is this bird of whose name i don't know

All i know its a very attractive one 

It comes every morning sings its heart out 

never promises to come back daily but does make it a point to turn 

up every few days , the moment i tried touching it 

it flew away , but still came back tease me and leave again 

It came only to feed on what i gave but never to give 

anything back to me

Finally I met this creature called Human being 

a so called well mannered  humble Man

all he did was give his love, his presence, his compassion 

compelling me to give all of it back to him but in few days he made 

me realize all he wished was to live by his own gain all attention and leave 

and change my whole set of perceptions and that 

he wanted some part of me but not me as a whole 

and then his act of being busy started the moment he realized i found it out 

he started turning mad over me , criticizing me and  terming me immature

and bitch about me as the neighborhood housewives 

every time i thought he left , he kept coming back 

Messing up things for me 

he came only to take but never to give back anything to me 

And thus i felt i knew the traits of a Dog

I knew the Pride of a Cat

I Knew the Sarcasms of a Gold Fish 

I knew confusions of a Cockroach 

I knew the uncertainty of that Unknown Bird 

But I wished i had known the traits of my own species...

And so I wrote.....

Well you asked me to write didn't you ??? 

And here I am all set to write 

With every word that's been falling apart

words that never wished to stay back 

words which disappeared the moment i opened my eyes

but still i found few of them clinging on to me 

waiting eagerly to be written 

So i thought i should write about truth 

I wrote a million lines only to realize 

i had always lived with million lies 

Yet i didn't give up , this time 

i thought i should write about happiness

i wrote extensively about moments i smiled only to realize

i had always smiled without happiness

No , i didn't give up yet, this time 

I thought i would write about my childhood days

i was very sure i would go short of pages but 

i didn't, i realized it passed on with me hiding 

In the shadow of fear, silence and 

stories i never wished to narrate

Stay, i didn't give up yet, this time 

i thought i would write about friends

i wrote about days , months and years 

Giggles, laughter and petty fights only to realize 

i am all alone and am yet to find a friend 

So finally , this time 

i thought i should write about I , me and myself 

i could write not more than a single word and 

i realized i had never known me enough 

to write about myself....... 

Well do u still want me to write ??