Yes i know.....

And so when I got this box of crayons and toffees
Wrapped in vibrant colors, when I was 7
I knew no bound to my happiness 
I giggled, laughed, hopped around like a joker
I thought love was all about toffees and colors..
 
And then I grew up now I was 11
All I did was listen to music for hours and hours
And wait for that one glance from this
Cute guy who studied in the class next to mine
I supposed he had the best smile in this world
So I thought love was all about
Music and that one glance of him..
 
Flipping through the pages, my friend was busy
Completing her notes and I was busy giving final touches
To the letter I was writing with smiley’s and glitters
The first ever love letter I wrote,
No I mean it was not by me for someone but
For a friend of mine, we were 14 now
I thought love was this pretty letter with
Smileys and glitters and few poetic phrases
 
I got startled the moment mom called for me
I was busy talking to him over phone
Struggling as to no word escapes my room
At 19 I was proud that I too had someone to love
Someone to ask if I am fine, if I have had my food, if I was back home
Someone to hold my hand, someone to make promises
Love then for me was talking to him
For hours and hours, and trying to hide it from mom
 
I realized this word insecurity had started intruding my space
I knew he was close to me I could feel his warmth
I could hear his true words and why he wanted to leave but
I could also see his eyes lying and still I sat there trying to believe that
I might have been wrong,
On my 22^rd Birthday I knew I was empty within, I was lost
I wondered if love was about feeling this warmth and still being miles apart
Was it about being scared of never seeing the one you loved??
 
Then it so happened that I sort of detested love
I believed there is nothing as love
It’s all illusion, it’s all in poetries
At 24 I sort of became rebellious
I was million times sure I would never love
I don’t need a Partner I am too enough for myself
I understood life has many prettier things than love..
 
 Today at this moment
After completing 25years and 9 months and 13 days of my life
I suddenly realized
Love was not about toffees and colors neither was it about
Music or that one glance or about those smiley’s and glitters
And those incessant phone calls or getting insecure
Love is a beautiful feeling full of energy,
Full of creativity, filled with bliss and confidence
Love is that makes you humble and calm
And a confession I would like to make..
I always wished to be love but never knew the strength of loving someone 
Deeply, unconditionally, without fear and
Without letting that person know that I love
 So I decide finally
To love ..
And now I know love
Yes, I am in “love” ….

I knew them all....

All i did was feed him a biscuit 

and this frail dog visited me every day wagging his tail 

he came every evening and sat by my window 

as though it was some important ritual

he waits patiently till the moment i notice him and wave at him 

at times when i am happy he tries showing some of his tricks 

and when i am sad he sits silently and doesn't leave for hours 

i guess this is why he is called man's best friend 

all he does is give his love , his presence , his compassion 

compelling me to give all of it back to him

All she did was sleep and sleep for hours 

and then wake up and walk around with all its pride

this hefty cat at my friends place 

made me realize all she ever wished was 

to be her own self and gain all attention 

I don't know what she gave others but she did 

teach a lot to me and did give a great deal 

of company and happiness to my friend 

Every time i get up in the night and 

look at them all i see is them 

constantly running around and whispering something 

to each other these two Gold fishes 

in my fish pot look at me in sarcasm 

they feel comfortable communicating with my fingers than 

a whole me but they do find sometime to look at me 

The others who are usually busy partying at night 

are the cockroaches who run around to find a place 

to hide the moment I switch on the light 

one or two even dare to play the acting game with me 

they pretend to be dead but the moment i try approaching them 

they mock at me and run around as mad kids 

and some hide in corners and eye on me as

the neighborhood housewives..

Now there is this bird of whose name i don't know

All i know its a very attractive one 

It comes every morning sings its heart out 

never promises to come back daily but does make it a point to turn 

up every few days , the moment i tried touching it 

it flew away , but still came back tease me and leave again 

It came only to feed on what i gave but never to give 

anything back to me

Finally I met this creature called Human being 

a so called well mannered  humble Man

all he did was give his love, his presence, his compassion 

compelling me to give all of it back to him but in few days he made 

me realize all he wished was to live by his own gain all attention and leave 

and change my whole set of perceptions and that 

he wanted some part of me but not me as a whole 

and then his act of being busy started the moment he realized i found it out 

he started turning mad over me , criticizing me and  terming me immature

and bitch about me as the neighborhood housewives 

every time i thought he left , he kept coming back 

Messing up things for me 

he came only to take but never to give back anything to me 

And thus i felt i knew the traits of a Dog

I knew the Pride of a Cat

I Knew the Sarcasms of a Gold Fish 

I knew confusions of a Cockroach 

I knew the uncertainty of that Unknown Bird 

But I wished i had known the traits of my own species...

And so I wrote.....

Well you asked me to write didn't you ??? 

And here I am all set to write 

With every word that's been falling apart

words that never wished to stay back 

words which disappeared the moment i opened my eyes

but still i found few of them clinging on to me 

waiting eagerly to be written 

So i thought i should write about truth 

I wrote a million lines only to realize 

i had always lived with million lies 

Yet i didn't give up , this time 

i thought i should write about happiness

i wrote extensively about moments i smiled only to realize

i had always smiled without happiness

No , i didn't give up yet, this time 

I thought i would write about my childhood days

i was very sure i would go short of pages but 

i didn't, i realized it passed on with me hiding 

In the shadow of fear, silence and 

stories i never wished to narrate

Stay, i didn't give up yet, this time 

i thought i would write about friends

i wrote about days , months and years 

Giggles, laughter and petty fights only to realize 

i am all alone and am yet to find a friend 

So finally , this time 

i thought i should write about I , me and myself 

i could write not more than a single word and 

i realized i had never known me enough 

to write about myself....... 

Well do u still want me to write ??

  

Thank You......

Thank you

for that smile which brought me back
for a moment to reality
for bringing me back from the chain of thoughts
i was tied up in
for letting me forget everything and think
who you are and why i stood as an alien before u

Thank you

For that smile that urged me to walk back
which seemed to drag me from the next step
i was about to put forward

Thank you
For that smile that for a moment
made me feel i did exist somewhere
in your thoughts which were as pure as those
evening sun rays that fell on you....

Thank you
for that smile that made me believe in me
for reassuring me, some deeds are done with pure belief
that these gestures could never be paid back
just witnessing them would award me relief.

Thank you
For watching me through the testing times
by doing nothing much, but just looking over me
that for all i knew you must be around
trying to catch a glimpse of me.

Thank you
For considering me as a perfect being
free of all the worldy vices, embarking in the journey of life
for making me feel flawless everytime I look through your eyes
helping me with the belief to conquer all the worldly rife.

Thank You

Your Reality and my Dreams.....

There is this place which i always love to be at 

its probably the bridge between 

your reality and my dreams 

But how could u blame me 

of  living in fantasy ???

When you have never been there 

or to put it in right words 

you have never spent even a moment 

on that bridge...

If that peaceful, serene stretch of road 

is fantasy for you let it  be

But that's the only place where i find life

that's t he only place where i find truth...

that's the only place where i find myself 

that's the only place i wished i found u......

And is reality running from poles to poles 

is it Cheating person to person 

is it breaking promises 

is it not keeping words 

is it not calling back even once 

is it telling u are busy always...

Sorry to say but m happy not being in reality 

i am happy at my own space

i am happy walking aimlessly 

on this stretch of land

its probably the bridge between

your reality and my dreams.......